Silencing The Ranting Dentist
Yes, I’ll be silent on April 30. But will probably be for the rest of the week, too. It’s annual convention time and I’m off to Manila. Just when the thrill of rising stats is giving me impetus to write more and better (hopefully), I have to drop it. I am not sure if it’s possible for me to blog through my phone, let alone find time to do it.
Earlier I had no intention of going. Continue reading this entry »
I’m Turning Pink
“Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you have a cootie shot!”
A couple of lady friends literally dragged me into buying them each a pair of rubber thongs - cheap imitation of Havaianas. I couldn’t complain. A pair costs only P37.50 and because the request came from two trendy, label-conscious people who profess to shopping as a vocation and could actually afford the real thing, I was too happy to indulge.
But there’s a snag. They insisted that I buy for myself, too. Fine.
But jusnapaynepol! All had floral insoles! In bright, sunshiny yellow, Barbie pink, and scarlet that screams harlot! So they found for me a pair with black straps. Still floral insoles. And the sizes made it obvious that these were for daintier feet. The pair that fit me was a size 10, and I’m at least a size 6 at the men’s department.
“Do I really have to get them?” “Yes! Others have friendship bracelets, we have friendship sandals! Oooohhh… I can’t wait for the three of us to show these to the rest, on our next [dental society] meeting!”.
This followed by thrilled, NO, I’d say disturbing giggles.
Arrrrggghh… women.
“Circle, circle, square, square, now you have it everywhere…”
The Big Brother Swap
I see an upsurge coming, of European men queueing at the tanning salons. And Pinays (and some Pinoys, actually) - BEWARE. There’s going to be competition. Over Bruce Quebral, that is. Filipino hunk and house mate at the second season of the Pinoy Big Brother reality series, Bruce was sent to Slovenia in exchange for Tina Semolic, for a week’s cross-cultural immersion, and had won the hearts of viewers, particularly women, of the Slovenian counterpart.
A survey reveals they find him the handsomest man on their Big Brother house, while a comment on the Slovenian website says:
“Many mothers would want him to be their son-in-law.”
Madame Malaprop
The stark ridiculousness of the sign above (found at Nakanampucha!) reminded me of Melanie Marquez’s malapropisms. I was prompted to scour for her unforgettable bloopers, and here are what I found online.
Here are my top five:
5. “Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!”
4. “I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.”
3. “Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae… talaga lang malapit sya sa mga gulo… PRO-ACCIDENT kasi sya eh…”
2. “You can fool me once, you can even fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four!”
For number 1, I can’t decide between this:
(while waiting backstage during a noontime show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number) “Nikki, you’re so galing(good). You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!”
and this:
“Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.”
There’s more: Continue reading this entry »
Adam and Eve
Man: Lord, why did you make woman so beautiful?
God: For you to love her.
Man: But why does she have to be so dumb?
God: For her to love you.
This is an old joke I got through text, and in Tagalog, but I was ‘inspired’ to post it here after reading another one like it at Marizen’s. 
The Three Worst Chinese Tortures
Once there was a guy wandering through the desert. He was starved and very thirsty so he was very excited when he saw this huge house out of nowhere. He walked up and rang the doorbell. After a couple of rings an old Chinese guy answered. The starved man begged him for a meal and some shelter. The old man said that he could stay as long as he needed to, but there was one exception the old man said, “you can not touch my daughter.”
“If you do you will experience the three worst Chinese tortures”.
The man, being very hungry and tired, quickly agreed. “ How good looking can she be if she lives out in the middle of nowhere?”, he thought. Continue reading this entry »
On Bikini Babes, Belchers, and Bees
As if the harsh heat isn’t enough to get everyone thinking about global warming, we Filipinos have come up with a more attention-grabbing, nay, distracting way to get people interested. Enter the Miss Earth beauty pageant. Homegrown, along with the Ms. Philippines-Earth search for the Filipina representative, it is now considered to be among the top three most prestigious international pageants since its inception in 2001.
Call it superficial. Call it sexist. Call it a futile, short-sighted and pretentious exercise. But in this nation of seven thousand and one hundred seven islands (depending on whether it’s high tide, or low tide) where in the month of May the Santacruzan is done on any given day, where fiestas can never be complete without crowning a queen, and where macho men reportedly get stabbed from a drunken argument on which one is prettier: Ms. Belgium or Ms. Colombia?, pageants are a sure-fire way of getting one’s message noticed and start people talking. Continue reading this entry »
Spider-Man Swings This Way, Too!
The local movie house, Colossus Cineplex, is showing it simultaneously with Manila theaters on May 1st, three days ahead of its commercial release in the U.S. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping it gets shown as announced, unlike what happened with 300. The Sparta flick is still on extended run here, by the way. I saw it a couple of weekends ago but ditched blogging a review of it. It didn’t come up to expectation - I must have been expecting to see something more gory. Hehehe. I must have been desensitized by previously watching Apocalypto. And come on, blood was spurting on every direction but the Spartans? I just don’t fancy the idea of real live actors trying to look like comics. And they could have worked on better dialogues, given the rich material and cinematography.
Anyway, with Spider-Man 3 coming here soon, there still are good things happening in this city, too.
New Beginnings
It gets me panicky when a dear friend leaves, it seems they all do. Either to go back home, leave for work elsewhere, to get married, or like a few others, drift apart perhaps deciding to be seen less. Life can be bittersweet. But then we carry on to new beginnings, looking forward to even better things.
I had the chance to take a few picture
s of the rehabilitated Triunfo Shrine this morning, as I had to send a visiting friend off to Cagayan de Oro at the nearby pier. It’s a first for me to see it in broad daylight, as the few visits last July were done in the evenings when most of the more interesting fiesta activities were held. Continue reading this entry »
Kids Say the Darnedest Things
At four, my nephew Nathanne is a sponge. We have to be constantly on guard over anything we say, or do, lest we get caught off guard hearing him use these in the most inappropriate time and place. He can read and write his alphabet and has now taken an interest in reading, and asked to be enrolled in a summer reading class for beginners. He has even begun taking an interest in English, too. Because Cebuano is used at home, it amuses to hear him use the limited English vocabulary he gets from his books and kid TV. His action figure toys speak English, mind you. Or something which sounds like it.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this joke. It has nothing to do with my nephew, of course.
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mum.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teachingthem to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
