Madame Malaprop

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The stark ridiculousness of the sign above (found at Nakanampucha!) reminded me of Melanie Marquez’s malapropisms. I was prompted to scour for her unforgettable bloopers, and here are what I found online.

Here are my top five:

5. “Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!”

4. “I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.”

3. “Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae… talaga lang malapit sya sa mga gulo… PRO-ACCIDENT kasi sya eh…”

2. “You can fool me once, you can even fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four!”

For number 1, I can’t decide between this:

(while waiting backstage during a noontime show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number) “Nikki, you’re so galing(good). You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!”

and this:

“Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.”

There’s more:

• “I won’t stoop down to my level!”
• “We are lovers, not fighters.”
• “My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.”
• “Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.”
• “That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t MIDDLE in other people’s lives.”
• (when asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy) “Don’t worry little angel, big angel is here.
• (on what they should do to the houseboy who molested her kid) “He should be put behind bar!”
• Ate Luds: “Paano ka nag-susurvive sa mga trials mo?”"Alam mo Ate Ludz, you know, when you are alone, you really have to istep your foot…ah, forward!”
• Eddie Mercado: “Angie Dickinson has insured her legs for a million dollars, would you also do the same?” Melanie: “No, of course no, because I am proud and contented with my long-legged.” With this answer, she bagged the crown and eventually won Miss International 1979.
• (at a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek’s mother, whom she partly blamed for the separation) “Oo nga,” said Melanie, “pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.” She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, “And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. ANG LABO MO!”
• “Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point.” (when asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right)
• “Sumasakit ang migraine ko.”
• “Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat.” (during her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award)
• “Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You’re so questionable.”
• “Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.”
• “Hindi ba kayo naaawa sa kapatid ko… sa mga kwento nya? Di ba kayo na-persuade ng mga kinwento nya?”
• “Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you DEP?”
• On an interview after giving birth, “my answers have been prayered.”
• On the love life of her brother Joey and Kris, ” they should talk behind the scene.”
• “And the base of my observation is …. “(showbiz stripped May 14 GMA Ch. 7)
• “I keep my crown in the voltage.”
• “Well, I want to spend my holidays with my family most probably out of place.” (she must have meant out of town)

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